When life gives you diarrhea filled lemons…

Last week our furnace broke, so we said ‘No Thanks’ to cooking dinner and decided to go out. Our 2.5 year old is not quite ready for primetime when it comes to dinning out, so we went to a buffet style restaurant. I will not say the name in fear they will sue or worse someone will try to make eye contact with me.

So my husband orders and I find a table in the back corner. Everything is going ok, until my daughter’s butt literally explodes. Like there was a sound of bomb, everyone ducked and diarrhea filled our lives and our booth.

My husband froze, his face is utter panic and  he just kept muttered “Omg, Omg, Omg.” I’m not always a take charge gal, but I knew immediately I would be taking the lead in this literal shit show. So I grab my daughter, take her to the bathroom, strip her down, perform an exorcism, and try to get as much poop off of her as possible. Meanwhile I size up the situation: I have no diapers, no wipes, and a single pair of 12-18 month pair of pants in the car. I figure this will do as her tiny butt could not possible have any more poop in it & we are very close to home.  I tell my husband to clean the booth and get the pants. I dress my daughter in too small pants, no shirt and a jacket. Then I know the tough part is coming: leaving.

I open the door ready to make the quickest get-away possible. My husband did not get this memo or has had a shame lobotomy because he has packed up the leftovers and is frantically shoving salmon salad in his mouth. This is where our midwest/northeast differences appear. He doesn’t understand that once a crime has been committed: you leave, as fast as possible. You don’t finish your salmon salad because salmon doesn’t keep well. So I whisper as harshly as I can: “We need to leave.”

He sees my face and grabs the leftovers. I swear I can hear people whisper/chanting “Shame, Shame, Shame.” as we leave…

So this was a D-A-Y but that’s OK. Life will give you some diarrhea filled lemons sometimes. In the end know that I am lucky: we could fix the furnace, we could (eventually) laugh at our dinner and our daughter will return to having solid bowel movements soon.

2 thoughts on “When life gives you diarrhea filled lemons…”

  1. This happened to us in a BJs parking lot. Not quite as bad as embarassing as in a restaurant for sure, but nonetheless a painful experience as we didn’t have enough wet ones to accommodate this “five alarm” poop. lol

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