I know this blog has become more about me and the trainers at my gym then my children but I promise I’m half-assing my parenting as much as my gym time.
This is the latest encounter with my gym nemesis:
Him: “Mam. Mam. MAAMMMM!!”
Me: Please god let there be another MAM. I don’t see anyone but maybe their just hiding under a weight bench.
He doesn’t give up and then touches my shoulder. I’m SCREWED.
Trainer: “Hi Mam. I just had to introduce myself.”
Me: “Hi. We’ve met.”
Him: “No way. I would never forget meeting you.”
Me: “No, we’ve met.”
*I fail to mention I have a blog post calling him a pushy needledick.*
Him: “WAIT! Did I train you?” Smiles Hugely.
Me: No. (but I’m glad that he could so proudly forget about someone he’s trained as he’s actively trying sell this exact service)
I explain that I don’t really have time to talk and basically come to the gym because there’s a drive thru Dunkin’ Doughnuts near by.
He ignores my statement completely and talks about training things. So I interrupt him and talk about mothering things. Like how important a drive thru Dunkin Doughnuts is to a parent: you don’t have to get out of the car, there are doughnuts and coffee. He tries to bring it back to training stuff & lock me down with a session tomorrow but I counter with my favorite doughnut: currently strawberry sprinkle. Though glazed will always hold a special place in heart.
Then the sneaky devil tries to use food as a way discuss nutrition. I guess maybe he was impressed with my doughnuts knowledge. It is vast. But, not today Satan. NOT TODAY. I can feel my rage for him increase as I think of some other woman getting the last US weekly or strawberry frosted doughnut. So I excuse myself and say that I can’t do personal training because I’m a mother. He’s asks “What does that even mean?” Honestly, I have no idea. I’m just spouting words to safely get to a treadmill that is centrally located near the magazines and TV.
Luckily, this bizarre statement has him stumped and I use this an opportunity to walk away, mumbling about how I’m a mom. Which still makes no sense BUT it does keep our conversation to under 2 minutes and I ended up with the doughnut of my dreams so this, my friends, how you win a conversation with a trainer.