For a person who typically doesn’t have a place to be & with time to burn I am awfully rage(y) when someone doesn’t know what they want when ordering at Starbucks. Unless you are Akeem from Coming To America, you better know what you want and how a Starbucks works. Don’t ask questions about what’s in the muffins or how likely the South American beans are to make you fart…..because we all already know it’s a lot. If your someone who waits till the last minute to decide your order; YOU ARE A HEAVY COFFEE BEAN FARTER. There are no doubts.
Also, you ALWAYS have 5-7 minutes to not make eye contact and decide your order. That’s the time you process what size cup you want and how much whip cream to put in it. I oscillate from deep sympathy for the barista who has to listen to someone’s personal feelings about heavy cream to blind rage when they engage them in a 10 minute conversation about it. I’m sure there is some training class at Starbucks university about how not feel 20-30 people’s death glares when answering some buttheads questions.
Also, I’ve been to Starbucks 10,000 times and still have no idea how to translate small, medium and large (I’m not proud, my brain just refuses to learn those words, I think it feels a loyalty to Dunkin Doughnuts) and you know what you can just say, small, medium or large. It all works out. No need for extra conversation.
My Starbucks rage was also increased this week because a Barista said to Anna (my 3y/o): “Is that your hair or did you just wake up?”
Umm… we woke up a long time ago, bitch. That’s just her hair.
Still I’ll always love Starbucks mostly because it goes so perfectly with a Target.