Last summer I was at a splash park with my one year old daughter. I was minding my own business when a woman approached and OPENED with this line:
Woman: “Hi. Your daughter is cute. How early was she?”
Me: Hi. Thanks……
My Brain: Early to what… the park? Early as in born prematurely? What’s happening?
I decide to simply ignore the question as my brain could not figure out what the actual fuck she was talking about.
Woman: “I do beach body.” Talks about her gym & fitness routine.
My brain: “How can I make this stop. Think brain. Should I fall? Does falling ever work? If I fell would have to make it look like it hurt? Or would I just look crazy.”
As I’m debating if falling is a viable option for ending this conversation, she asks AGAIN.
Woman: “How many months early was she?”
Me: “You mean premature? None. None months early. Right on time.”
Woman: “Well it looks like she’s meeting all her milestones.”
Me: “Yeah…because she’s not premature, she’s just a normal sized baby. So…goodbye forever? “