Insane Clown Texts from Dad


My Dad recently sent a text that said “Soon to be ex manager of Resource Depot driven mad with hopeless longing.” Attached with a picture of him in the scariest clown mask I’ve ever seen. My first thought was, “Oh no. Dad’s gone full serial killer.”

When I called him it turns out he just wanted to quit his job so he could travel more. A strangely mundane story considering it’s my dad and a creepy ass clown mask is involved.

Our conversation continues:

Dad: “You should take it for Augie, it’s a really expensive looking mask.”

Me: “No thanks Dad, I don’t want Augie to grow up to be a murderer or worse an Insane Clown Posse fan.”

Dad*hearing nothing*: “What about for an early birthday present?”

Me: “As much as a four year old wants a used killer clown mask the answer is still no.”

Dad then lists other people he could give the clown mask to, including a pastor at his UU church, so I’m sure this will end well.

I did have some fun with the mask: I put the picture of my dad in the mask on his birthday cake captioned, “Never looked better.” Sooooo I’m sure I’m on some sort watch list at the Stop & Shop bakery. So far I’ve done a Golden Girls, Judge Judy & now scary clown cake, each one promoted more & more concerned looks from the bakers.

Photo cakes might be the best & worst thing that ever happened to me.


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