Focus. Focus. Focus.

I’m trying to be a better person (I know that’s a relief to some & to them I say: Shut up). I’m trying to focus on the positive, practice gratitude and take my energy & put it into giving back, creating and being a good mom. But it’s haaaaard. I get so distracted by things like presidential candidates saying things like, “Grab them by the pussy, it’s okay, I’m famous.” Or online mom bully groups berating other moms for their choices. Calling them ugly and bitches and other much more nasty things. My belief has always been a “see something, say something” & “nothing changes if nothing changes.” My husband is not always a fan of this attitude. Our beliefs are align but how we express them are not. He can’t understand why I fight with people online or buy lawn signs for yard supporting our presidential candidates. Why I have to be so vocal. Why my soap box is so much bigger then his.

I use to just say, “Nothing changes if nothing changes” and that if you believe in something you have to be able to articulate why. You have to be able to fight for it. To listen to the other side and then clearly state your ground. That’s how progress and growth happens. I still agree with those sentiments but it has gotten SO. MUCH. HARDER. Harder to have faith in humanity and the good and debate with dignity and respect, when there is a 24 hour news cycle, online anonymity, and facts have somehow become the enemy. I use to think if a tree falls in the forest and no one heard it, it still makes a sound. Of course it does. It fucking fell and it’s a god damn tree. I no longer believe that. It only matters if people heard it. So if you are hearing lies and hate and it’s all you hear: it’s all you believe.

For me it’s become important to examine who you are listening to. Are they coming from a place of love ? If you strip it down to it’s core, is there love and compassion or hate and fear.

I’m trying to find the balance between seeking out the positive and beauty in life and not sticking my head in the sand when things get rough. Denial is easy and empathy is hard but I truly believe that empathy leads to happiness and denial leads to you becoming an asshole. Denying your problems and the problems of the world, doesn’t make them go away. It makes them manifest inside and come out it weird, prick(ish) ways.

I know there is so much to be thankful for: health, family, music, friends.  I’m not trying to go all #blessed on you. I know the world can be a sad, scary place. I see the news, I know addiction and depression are real things. I struggle to find way to acknowledge those things while still being able to appreciate all that is right with the world. I know I should seek out more inspiring television, news stories, people. Sadly (for my husband) I’m probably not going to stop watching the Housewives franchise or stop debating politics. But I am going to take a break. Know my limit. We could spend our whole lives focused on changing what we believe to be wrong/negative and it’s a noble pursuit but it comes at a cost. Your happiness. So fight the good fight but make it a battle, not a war. Don’t become someone who’s so caught up in what your fighting against, you forget to appreciate the beauty in what your fighting for.

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