Diva Cup Discussions. (A group text)

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SA: “Why is it packaged like that? Is it in the Barbie aisle? Model 2.”

AO: “Haha. Yeah, why is it packaged like that?

Me: “Please tell me it’s for bigger vaginas?”

SA: “It’s for “women over 30 and/or those who have given birth vaginally” Do we just get looser over 30? No body told me?”

Me: “Nooooooo!!!!”

SA: “The package is blue, for sadness.”

SA: “Did I miss age based tampons? Like we old ladies just use rolls of Brawney now.”

AO: “The blue one doesn’t have daiseys.”

Me: “What if your over 30 and had c-sections?”

AO: “I think just diapers at that point.”

SA: “How do c-sections affect the vag?”

Me: “I think they make them smaller and prettier.”

SA: “The model 1 probably comes with free XXL condoms for the fabulous sex lives of those under 30. And a plane ticket to Miami.”

Me: “Those whores. And they get the pink cup. That’s ageist and sexist.”

LN: “Yeah, weird. Kids or no kids does your vagina increase in size as you age?  I must have missed that in sex ed.”

Me: “Who ever branded this was def a man or a teenager. Who thought identifying your vagina as older and bigger, misidentified their market. ”

SA: “Probably that Martin Shukli guy.”

SA:” Imagine if they sold condoms in that packaging.”

Me: “They should be in two separate sections of the store. Pink ones with booze and condoms and the blue ones next to the diarrhea medicine and reading glasses.”

LN: “Hahaha and depends.”

LL: “I think the daiseys are meant to distract you from the fact you are jamming what is equivalent of a dental swish up your vag.”

LL: “By the way- 32 text messages. Well done you old whores.”

SA: “If we were under 30 we’d have used snapchat or something.”

LL: “Is that the one where you take pictures of your vaginas? I don’t have that app. And for the record-no cup was purchased although I considered sending one to each of you but that seemed like a expensive prank.”

SA: “That’s where you draw the line on frivolous spending.”

LL: “Everyone has a line. Turns out mine was spending $100 on menstrual cups to send anonymously to my friends.”

Me: “I think we all know where we stand with Liz. I bet her fancy law school friends are getting all types of anonymous menstrual cups. Just bc we’re not lawyers, doesn’t mean don’t bleed. Monthly.”

SA: “Diva cup discrimination.”

Me: “As if my feeling weren’t hurt enough by qualifying for the blue cup.”

 

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