Ok. I’m going to say something controversial: Celebrating marriage feels outdated to me. Not celebrating your own marriage but celebrating marriage in general. For example: why do we applaud if a couple has been married for 50 years? We know nothing about that couple except divorce papers were never legally filed. What if the guy was abusive or an addict and/or the woman is a sociopath? Are we still clapping and saying “Yay! Look they stayed with someone who was ruining their life and making them unhappy because of some arbitrary idea that divorce is failure or because it’s too scary to make changes.”
I don’t want to celebrate that. I want to celebrate people who are are happy. Period. If they are in a relationship that makes them happy and fulfilled: Great. Pop the champagne. If someone left a tough marriage that was draining them emotionally, physically, or financially, I also want to celebrate that. More Champagne!!! (Also, none of this is about me trying to drink more.)
It’s just frustrating to me that divorce is still perceived as a failure when it’s not. It’s an end to something that wasn’t working. It doesn’t mean the relationship or time spent together was meaningless. A relationship’s worth is not measured in the quantity of time but in the quality of time you had together. The happy memories don’t disappear because you are unable to find a way to make new ones.
I love my husband dearly but I’ll never be someone who goes around saying “Divorce is not option.” Of course it’s an option and I honestly believe that makes our relationship stronger. We chose each other everyday because we want to not because we have to.
Marriage is a choice, a choice you make everyday & there is enormous power in viewing it as a choice.
It’s like when Harry Potter finds out there is a prophecy about fighting to the death between him & Voldemort. How he views the prophecy plays an enormous role in how he fights. “It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to fight a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew- as do I – thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents- that there was all the difference in the world.”
If you view marriage as this thing that you have do or commitment you can’t leave: you are not walking into the arena with your head held high. You’re not in the arena because you want to be there. But if you view marriage as a choice, a choice you make everyday: you will fight harder for it.
Also, I get that I just compared marriage to a fight between good vs. evil that is to be fought to the death.
Anyways, if you’re in love and you found a way to grow with the person you married and make each other happy by all means celebrate. As I learned from going to too many Dave Matthews concerts: “Celebrate good will cause life is short but sweet for certain.” And if you left a marriage because it was not the life you wanted to live you should still celebrate cause life is still short but still sweet for certain.