Bread knife

I have a confession: I’m 35 and up until a few months ago I didn’t know what a bread knife was.

This fact was truly terrifying to my aunt. She’s from Long Island (if that means anything to anyone) and  when I was cutting bread with a regular knife she asked where my bread knife was. I said, “What’s a bread knife?” That’s when shit got WEIRD. She looked at me like I had just told her I enjoy kicking kittens and eat human fingers in my spare time. She asked how “That was possible?” And I answered very honestly and very cautiously “I don’t know. It’s just how my life played out.”

She showed me what bread knife was and then how to cut with it. She cut that bread like she was doing brain surgery. I watched intensely, scared about what would happen if I didn’t pretend to be interested. I mean she did have a knife and unexplained rage for my lack of cooking utensils knowledge.

Now I know this Aunt pretty well. There is a zero percent chance she went back to Long Island and told no one. I’m sure all her friends and everyone in my husbands family knows my dirty little secret. Every time I walk by someone from my husband’s side of the family there will whispers about how I don’t know how to cook and my poor family probably eats sloth and dog food for dinner. I also know that I have a choice: to give a fuck or not. I choose to not. I’ve made peace with the fact that cooking isn’t my thing. I know that my aunt take a lot of pride in their cooking and get some of their self worth from cooking. I’m happy for them. Find whatever makes you happy and do it well and feel proud. But don’t expect ‘that thing’ to be the same for everyone. When people act appalled that I don’t know something, it has nothing to with me. It has to do their need to feel better about themselves. My aunt was happy I didn’t know what a bread knife was because it made her feel superior. I have no control over that. I can either waste my time getting upset or just move on. She’s not a terrible person, I’m not a terrible person. I just didn’t know what a bread knife was.


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