Before we go any further.

I feel like you should know something about me.

When I was 22 I was at a club drinking a fair amount. I like to dance and I’m not afraid to dance by myself. Truthfully I was never coordinated enough to “bump and grind” I was always grinding while someone was bumping. It was uncomfortable for all involved. In my defense I can bump and grind, just not with another human person.

So I have a solid buzz and some good music playing. I’m dancing alone, totally in my element when I see out of the corner of my eye a girl dancing very similar to my style. I am elated. I can’t believe my luck. I dance over to her, BEAMING the whole time. We are so insync that when I go to high five her, she reaches out at the same time. That’s when it happened. I looked into the girls eyes and discovered it wasn’t actually another person. It was me. I had just DANCED over to and HIGH FIVED a mirror.

Needless to say there is a moment of panic when I realize this. I stood there, frozen, hand on mirror. I look around horrified to see if anyone noticed. WHICH OF COURSE THEY DID. I’ll never forget the hot black guys face as we both stared, stunned. I looked over at my friend and she literally had to push me to stop this from happening.

Now I know there are layers of weird here. Why would I give someone a high five as a dance move? Why didn’t I immediately take my hand down once I noticed it was me. And, of course, the most glaringly obvious one: how come I didn’t notice it was me. I’m not going to lie. That one hurts.

I’m telling this stories for a few reasons. One if I ever sound too preachy about my parenting style, please remember that I have also confessed to high fiving myself in the mirror, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. And if you ever feel judged, don’t let it get to you. The person doing the judging has probably also danced up and high fived themselves in a mirror. Well, probably not, but they have probably let out a baby fart, thinking it would be a much softer, gentler fart and stunk up a room. Don’t let that fart mis-judger steal your sunshine! We are all in this parenting thing together and if people aren’t coming from a place of true helpfulness and love, then maybe they are just in a sad place and it has nothing to do with you. And as orginal bad-ass Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This includes other moms. I haven’t experienced this a ton, mostly because my kids are young, but I can imagine mom-judging makes one feel pretty rotten. Please remember that someone elses opinion of you is none of your business. And if that doesn’t help, know that that stinky fartsmeller is probably just upset because of that time she lost control of her butthole.

As long as you love your children, you’re doing an amazing job.

5 thoughts on “Before we go any further.”

  1. This is by far one of my favorites ❤️ I just high fives myself in honor of how much I love you.

  2. YES! High fives all around!!! ✋Also, We need some Deirdre & Elaine videos. Immediately. ❤️❤️❤️

  3. I just laughed out load. My D.. Picturing you hard dancing drunk up to your own self in a mirror was perfect visual enough before the high five. I love this and I love you ❤️

    1. Thanks Hilary. Sometimes I worry about being too honest, but I’m super glad you are liking it. Means a lot. Thanks so much for taking the time to read.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *