Period Party.

The older I get the more I appreciate my parents. Quirks and all. You don’t realize how hard it is to be a parent till you become one and sometimes they just miss the mark. For instance when my Dad wanted to invite my new friends to celebrate me finally getting my period.

So when I was 13 I switched schools from a small all girl school to regular jr. high and was secretly dying to get my period. I equated having a period to be a ‘real’ teenager/woman. I couldn’t wait to ‘bitch’ to friends about my cramps and say things like, “Sorry… I’m totally PMSing.” Plus I was on the later side of getting it, all my cooler friends had their periods & I felt like I was missing out.

So when it finally happened imagine my disappointment when I instantly didn’t become the coolest girl in school. In fact it happened at Skate Town USA (already not that cool) and I was unprepared so we had to leave & go to my friends grandparents house and I’m pretty sure they gave me an adult diaper.

This is obviously not what I envisioned. I had romanticized me asking some popular girl for a tampon as we rolled our eyes and talked about how periods suck. Not leaving a roller skate park to bum a diaper off a confused grandmother.

Also, I lived with my dad at the time and I had to tell him because he needed to get me some actual supplies. His response was, “Wow. Great. Should we have a party? You could invite your new friends.” He wasn’t joking. He wanted a Period Party. As if everything I had experienced was not humiliating enough, I now had to convince my dad not to have a “Period Party” and to please for the love of everything holy do not talk/invite/announce my menstrual cycle to really anyone.

I’m still not sure if this was a confused sincere Dad moment or he was trying to murder me through embarrassment. Either way this is my PSA to ladies and gents who have weird dads: it gets better(ish). Everything feels magnified when your a teenager but you will get through it and at the very least you will have some funny stories & at the very, very least: you’ll never be a basic bitch with nothing to talk about.

I should note that I love my dad very much and he has taught me the importance of acceptance and fighting for what you believe in and for that I will be forever grateful, even if one of those things I ended up fighting for was the right to not have a period party.


Funny | Parenting | Teenage Nightmares


Sorry Not Sorry.

So I love people who can be self depreciating & don’t take themselves too seriously. Those really are my people but there is a fine between people who are funny and self depreciating to people who are just chronic apologizers.

People who constantly apologize, call themselves dumb or talk about how they can’t do things might think they are being self deprecating or humble but really they’re just buzzkills.

The truth is most people don’t need or want someone to feel bad about themselves to make themselves feel better. I’m a strong believer in “We only roast the ones we love.” This includes yourself. If you don’t love yourself: you can’t roast yourself because if you do roast yourself you end up having a Chevy Chase Roast: where it’s clear that everyone hates him and is just there for the free booze.

So to the over-apologizers of the world: we know you’re sorry. And we don’t care. Seriously, no one gives a shit. Most of what you worry about is in your head. People don’t really care about the things you can’t do, only about the things you can do. So if you can’t cook or you wet the bed a ton, focus on how you know the best take out restaurants in town or how good you are at washing sheets.

Seriously, I do a lot of dumb stuff. This weekend I tried to get a cover band to play “Time of my life” and when they wouldn’t: did that stop my from trying to do the lift? It did not. Gentle reminder that I once high fived a mirror because I liked the way the ‘other’ girl danced. These were not my finest moments but here’s what I learned: someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. Once you get right with yourself, you will get right with the world and you can stop apologizing for being who you are.

Also, appreciation and gratitude go along way. It feels so much better to hear ‘thank you’  instead of ‘sorry’. So thanks for reading and if you didn’t like it I’m not sorry.

Don't say sorry. Say Thank you.