So I got my husband tickets and a meet & greet to see Joe Biden because husband LOVES the onion articles about Uncle Joe and admires him as a person. It was WAY more then I ever spend but I really thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
Well I was wrong. The idea of a meet & greet was unappealing to him. He said he would love to meet Joe Biden organically but the thought of standing in line and having awkward conversation felt too weird and asked if I would go in his place. WHICH OF COURSE I WOULD. I love Joe Biden and I love stalking celebrities so it was basically all my dreams coming true.
The days leading up to what I considered my date with Joe Biden were going great. I had an outfit. My husband was going to come in to the city and we could gets apps and drinks, it was like I had two dates in one night; one with my husband and one with the former vice president. I was so ready until the night before the event I woke up with life changing hemorrhoids. Like could barely walk hemorrhoids. Now I had to meet the former Vice president smelling like preparation H and cheap white wine. Which might be a combination he’s used to at his age.
So the night comes and my husband drops me off like a teenager going to her first concert and I immediately feel out of place because everyone is clearly a very serious person and a very rich person. I mean these are people WITHOUT hemorrhoids and WITH dates. There’s definitely lot’s of ruffage and leafy greens in their diets and enough money for two people.
So we wait in in line and the whole time I see a guy 10 people in front of me and I can’t help but feel I know him from somewhere. I put that out my mind and finally after an hour I get to meet Joe Biden. And it was just as awkward as I hoped it would be. He calls me a ‘pretty young lady’ and I yell talk about how I ‘stole’ my hands tickets and thank him for his service. I’m mindful not to bring up my hemorrhoids as a sign of respect but also fearful because I basically have Tourettes around people I admire, I really have so little control over what comes out my mouth. Luckily I get through it without barfing out anything too stupid and get a weirdo picture with me clearly in love and pretending to be on date.
So after the meet and greet there is an hour till the actual show. I meet husband for a drink and plan to return to the show when the talk begins. I do not do that. Instead I show up 20 minutes late, sitting front row and basically interrupt Tom Brokaw talking about his cancer diagnosis. Also, that’s when it clicks that he was the guy in front of me in line. So they give a fantastic interview about life, cancer, politics, and how we move forward. Really interesting and profound stuff. I am totally moved by everything he’s saying and when he says something particularly poignant about immigration (and also because I’m a complete and total idiot) I do my Wheezy “YEAHHHHH!” yell loudly and proudly….I blame the hemorrhoids and the second glass of wine. Tom Brokaw actually made eye contact with me as I am sure he has never heard that yell before.
Everyone else avoided eye contact with me the rest of the night.
So the talk finally ends and I get my sorry butt up and as I’m walking out who walks by me but JOE FREAKIN KENNEDY and all these dumbos in line are just going to pretend a hot ginger Kennedy is not in their presence. So as if I haven’t really owned the night enough I yell, “Hey Joe Kennedy! I spotted ya!” Joe ignored me but that doesn’t stop me from trying to take pictures of his sweet Kennedy bottom.
So that was my date with Joe Biden and kind of Joe Kennedy. I regret nothing.
Also here are my pictures from the night and some of my favorite texts.